I'm such a bad blogger

I haven't written a thing in ages.

That's because I'm not very good in hiding information, at least not the kind that affects my life tremendously.

The info is that I'm cooking something right now, a sibling for my son :-)

The beginning was really rough and it took me a while to recover, but now it's all good. Knock on wood of course.

Other than that, life is pretty much the same, and I feel like I might bore my readers with mother stories, so I don't share them, although every day with my almost 2 year old son, brings lots of interesting things, especially laughs and challenges.

So, sorry again for a short post, just wanted to excuse myself,

hope to be writing something interesting soon again!

update

I'm fine, really

just busy, and I guess I'll have some more time to tell you all about what's going on with me some other time....

but I'm still here :-)

Deal

Sometimes you dont want to deal with things.
Simply coz u know that the other side will never change.
Especially if you've known them for your entire life, and u know that it's only going to get worse with time and age.
It's a dead end road and u know it and it sucks.

Total mom

Today I've got flowers.
It was one little branch from the garden, and I got it right after the morning shower.
Tiny came to me and gave me the flower, very curious how I would react.

It's mothers day today. Although, in my home town we celebrate it on a different date. The first mayor made his wife's Hebrew date birthday into the city's mothers day. So we celebrate it on the second day of Chanukah.

Anyway, it's mothers day here and everywhere, and I got flowers.

I realized today, that some ppl are very total about all kinds of things. Some love their job and work all the time. Some love their partners so much, they can't imagine living without them. Some dedicate their lives to their hobbies.

I've never felt so total about something like I feel as a mom. (although I can't imagine my life without Rob ;-)). There was nothing I wanted to dedicate myself to like this. Not my studies, not my jobs. Nothing. It was more of a realization than a tacky feeling.

I think it's sad, that I feel like I need to be a bit ashamed for saying that. The new emancipated woman is supposed to want to work, not only think of making babies and providing for them.

But I don't want to apologize for the way I feel. I'm not only a woman. I'm a parent.

And yes, I know I write about this a lot... I can't help it.

My mother is here for a visit

Yay!

Just another woman you saw

Her hair is up. You can see she tried to make it look nice this morning, but at some point she just gave up.

She has dark rings under her eyes. Sometimes she forgets to put on makeup. Sometimes she just asks herself: what for? For whom?

She's wearing jeans and a knitted sweater. She wears the same jeans a few times a week. It's the one that looks best on her. It's the only one she's bought since she became a mother.

You see her everywhere: on the train, in the underground, at a restaurant, eating with another mother, in the supermarket, trying to shop for food while the kid is sleeping in the stroller, early in the morning, rushing somewhere, looking like she has no time and probably forgot to do or left something at home.

Most ppl might not even see her.
Once in a while an old lady might smile at her, or a man might offer some help taking the stroller down the stairs where there is no elevator.

She notices most woman that are like her. Spots their faces among all the others. When she sees one, she thinks: "she must have been up all night", or: "she seems so much in love with her child", or: "how is it that she looks so nice and pretty?"


She looks like them all.
They are all mothers.
They are not all the same, but they can understand each other more than anyone can understand anyone else.

3 good things last day

That's it, it's been 21 days!
would be weird to not write my 3 good things here every day. But I think that for the blog it would be a bit boring if I continue, so I guess I'll just have to make it into a habit, to write it down for myself at least a few times a week.

so.... here it is for the last time:

1. Staying at home all day coz you want to is not that bad :-) We had a nice relaxed day at home.

2. This is another nice  quiet evening. Hope there will be more of these to come.

3. I miss Rob. Some ppl might think that missing someone is a negative feeling. I don't.

3 good things day 20

1. Had a rather good night sleep and an easy morning

2. Met a friend for lunch, was really fun with her and her son, and also heard some good news from her.

3. Had another nice and quiet evening for myself, managed to also try out the new Washi tape I bought. As soon as it's done I'll put a picture of what I did (but first I need to be happy with the result, and that will take some more time and try outs).

3 good things day 19

Wow, in two days 21 days will be over.

1. We finally made it to go to the mothers club today, after a few days having to stay at home coz Tiny was feeling bad. It was refreshing.

2. My sweet mother in law (no irony!) came here for a  few hours, took Tiny off my hands for a bit and kept me company. It was necessary and great.

3. Tiny was so tired today, it made him completely cranky,  but at least that meant that he went to sleep at 18:30 and I had a long nice quiet evening to myself.
Now going to sleep coz it probably means he'll wake up with dawn....

3 good things day 18

1. Tiny is feeling a bit better.

2. I finally made it to get to the small chinese restaurant I've heard so much about. It was great chinese food, not the kind of food they fix to the european taste in most asian places. The first bite of the Baozi took me miles and years away. It's called Maigarten and I'll give details if you're interested.

3. I had a long skype conversation with my sister. It was so much fun just talking and talking. I love her and I really miss her. she really helped me go through the evening alone at home. Especially coz my computer is starting to turn off whenever it wants to. Grrr

3 good things day 17

again, forgot to write last night.

1. Knowing that I have a good friend here, at least one, is worth a lot.

2. A trip to the dr. in the evening with Tiny, who was screaming the whole afternoon, cleared things out for me, and helped me realize what's bothering him.

3. The dr. we met was nice but oh god, how much Ignorance about breastfeeding can one educated person have? the good thing about it is that it made me laugh (after leaving the room of course) and it made me feel even more sure of my way.

3 good things day 16

From yesterday:

1. My brother in law and his wife and baby dropped by for a quick visit on their way home from holiday, and it was really nice. They live far from us and we don't get to see them very often.

2. It was sunny and warm and it was a very nice day (last one for a week at least).

3. Rob and I spent the day together, and I really enjoyed it. He took a business flight in the evening, so we tried to make the best of the time we had together.

And I have even one more good thing today: Tiny is sick, and that's why it surprised me that he slept all evening (with short breasfeeding breaks) and therefore I could really relax last night, which was priceless.

3 good things day 15

1. The drive home went fine although tiny has a fever.

2. We're home. That feels really good.

3. The weather today was cold but clear with blue sky, and the mountains looked amazing.

3 good things day 14

1. We drove to a sweet and very touristy town outside of the city, and had a great time there. The weather was cold but sunny, the food was good and the company was really nice.

2. I know this is a real jewish mommy kind of good thing, but tiny ate really well today and that's great.

3. Sometimes when something not so great happens, you find a small good thing about it, and that thing becomes much greater because of that situation.
Rob is feeling a bit under the weather, and tiny fell asleep early, so I rushed and bought some ingrediants and made soup for us. It feels nice to be needed and being able to help the ones you love.

3 good things day 13

Internet was bad yesterday so I'll write now, and later for today:

1. We walked for hours around the city, and it felt really good to move. We were tired but happy at the end of the day.

2. I found a Kürtös stand and enjoyed the amazing pastry when fresh and warm.

3. Tiny was his cute and nice self, and was really sweet at dinner, ate very well and alone, and had lots of fun.

3 good things day 12

1. Budapest is really beautiful and we had a relaxed nice day that was fun for all of us.

2. Lunch was very tasty

3. Tiny is being the nicest kid, cute, behaves and as always: we like calling him "an add promoting having kids".

3 good things day 11

1. We had a lovely srtoll through town and enjoyed the nice weather in Vienna.

2. We arrived to Budapest and met with a few ppl we haven't seen in a while (tomorrow we'll meet the rest)

3. There's internet at the hotel. It's slow, and sometimes doesn't connect, but there is.

3 good things day 10

1. We had a really good drive with a nice break on our way today.

2. Had a nice afternoon and evening with Rob's cousin and his family

3. Tiny had fun with the other kids, and it made me happy to see how excited he was with all the new things and ppl.

3 good things day 9

1. My son slept last night 12 hours with only one break to breastfeed in the middle. Bliss

2. Had a nice lunch and afternoon with a friend.

3. Although the busy day, managed to do the laundry and preper most of what I want to take along with me for our holiday tomorrow.

And a note: I'm not so sure I'll have internet from tomorrow, so my 3 good things updates might come not so regularly. I'll do my best to at least write it down every day and publish it as soon as I'm online.

Have happy holidays!!!

3 good things day 8

Oops, forgot to write them last night...

1. Had a nice morning at the mothers club, and again a conversation in Chinese. I keep remembering how to say things and that really cool.

2. Had a fun visit from Rob's family. the weather was nice and we sat outside for a while.

3. We bought tickets to go to Israel next month!

3 good things day 7

1. We went for lunch with friends and then for a walk in the forest.

2. The weather was cold but very nice, and we had ice cream.

3. Rob cleaned all the windows in & out, and it's so nice and I really appreciate it.

3 good things day 6

1. Went to a flea market for kids stuff with my neighbor, and got a few nice things, amongst them a bobby car in very good shape.

2. Watching my son's face when playing with his new car

3. We had a great hour before he went to sleep: the whole family was sitting on the floor playing silly games.

3 good things day 5

1. Sometimes after dreading something all day, after thinking about it without a stop, getting all depressed about it, comes the moment that shows that everything is ok, that it might not be perfect, but there's a light in the end of the tunnel. I just had one of these moments.

2. I bought us 2 pieces of cake at the organic bakery at the Friday market next to our house. Poppy seed cake. yummy!

3. A nice evening :-)))

3 good things day 4

1. After a rough night my son and I managed to have another 1.5 hours sleep together in the morning.

2. I made it to watch the end of a chapter of Mad Men, after not being able to last night

3. Golden moment with my son make it easier to go through the day when having to stay home because he's not feeling very well.

3 good things day 3

Today it's hard, but I'll try

1. My son made me laugh in one of those tough moments.

2. I made a nice dinner, which we ate together

3. I made it to have a whole (short & confused) conversation in Chinese with a chinese woman who comes to the mothers club with her 2 year old grandson. She speaks nothing but chinese.

3 good things day 2

1. We had a relaxed day at home.
2. Rob came home in the afternoon and we all had dinner together.
3. Although not feeling well, my son was very sweet and made me smile all through the day.

New look

I've been thinking about a new look for some time now.

With the new Blogspot design and templates, it was easy to chose something nice that I would like.

If you have any ideas, likes, dislikes, I would love to hear them!

21 days of happiness

I ran into this video on one of the forums I follow:

http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html?source=email#.Tz1MIiuQc_A.email

(on the website itself you can chose to watch it with subtitles)

It made me think.

So I was thinking about starting it today. Writing 3 things I'm grateful for and happy about, three good things that happened to me, every day, for 21 days. Let's see how I feel in three weeks from now. In this post I'll write three things from yesterday, and tonight I'll write a new post with 3 things from today.  

3 good things 26.3.2012

1. Had a good chat with a new mother at the mothers club.

2. Had a friend come over in the afternoon, and then our neighbor and her daughter joined, which made me very happy.

3. Had about 2.5 hours to myself in the evening.

Unappreciated

Being a mother is one of the most unappreciated jobs I've ever done.

If you can't cash it into money, some ppl will just never think you are actually working, or that you have a say about certain money issues.

If you'd calculate the time I work, meaning 24/7 all week long all month, every month of the year, and multiply it by the hourly rate a nannie would take, you will reach a huge amount of money.

That's what I would have earned if I were taking care of kids that aren't mine.

Then it would have been legit for me to spend the money however I want.

You know what. I don't really feel like continuing this post. It makes me depressed.

And sometimes it is hard

And you need a break.
And you only want to be alone.
And do nothing.
And say nothing.
And take care of nobody.

The best job

It's challenging, it's tough. You have zero vacations. Zero. No sick days either. You're under payed, and that's an understatement. It's interesting and u always learn something new. You can't really be promoted, but you can make new clients. They are not easy though. They demand all your attention and energy and time. They don't take 'no' as an answer and they will let you know that wherever you are and whomever you're with.
But it's still the best job I've ever had.
I'm my own boss, and I decide today's program. I get to be with ppl I love and adore. I can use my creativity every day. And I have to.
I make the rules and have to make others follow them. I need to be reasonable and fair.
I get to sing, laugh, cry, smile, hug, kiss, play, cook & bake, go for walks, and teach every day.

Being a mom. Really the job I've enjoyed most.

Listen to me

It's the same old cycle: I have an opinion, an instinct, about how to rase my child. The ppl around me have a different opinion. They sometimes let me know what it is, and sometimes just act differently. Sometimes they make a funny face and suggest a different way.
Then I start changing my ways a bit. I do my best to think and decide which way is best. I find myself thinking too much and doing everything wrong. I suffer. My child suffers.
I realize I've been trying to do something that contradicts my believes. I promise myself and my son that I wont do it again.

I do it again.

The most important tipp I've ever heard since I became a mother, was to get ear plugs. Not coz the kid will be loud. But because everyone will allways have something to say about your choises as a parent.
And unless you stop listening to them, and start following your instincts (in case you can recognize them, after years of ignoring them), you'll find yourself very stressed, trying to please everyone else but yourself, and that can make you very unhappy.

His first steps

Were made to reach the plate of chocolates :-)

Back into me

When you become a parent your priorities change completely. You start thinking about the well being of your kids and somewhere along the way you forget your own.
It's normal of course. But it's only when you do something for yourself again, that you realize that you've missed it.
It's when you suddenly look into yourself, and recognize an old friend you haven't seen in a long time. The deeper you go inside and the nicer what you're doing is, the more familiar and comfortable it gets.
You suddenly miss that person, that being, that feeling. You try to plan more time for yourself, more activities you enjoy doing alone, without your kids.

It's not easy for me to plan these things. I want to but I also want to continue breastfeeding (and I still do!), my son still doesn't go to a daycare for all kinds of reasons, and there is no family close enough to help be with him during the week. 
That leaves me the weekends only, when Rob's home and can stay with him. Just that on the weekends I would like to spend time with my family, and so I usually don't plan anything else.

But I must. Because I enjoy it so much and it revives me.