My island of Sanity

People ask me why do we (Rob and I) not speak more German at home. I tell them that we try sometimes (which isn't a lie) but that mainly I am the kind of person that needs time to absorb the language slowly slowly. The main reason I don't really feel like speaking German at home is because home is my sanctuary. My island of sanity. The place where I can express myself in all kinds of ways, whether it's in English, or some words in Hebrew that Rob knows, or even a few words of Chinese, some inside jokes, and some mimics we use with each other. When we speak German I feel as if I'm in a classroom, not in my own comfortable home. I feel like a student, not like a girlfriend or just me. I feel like I'm being tested. Yes, I do learn a bit in those moments we actually try to speak German, but only as long as it's a few minutes that we both had decided to practice the language in. If suddenly I'll be surprised in my own home with this language- the only thing I'll wanna do is throw the person that did it out the window with his German words...
Outside I'm forced to use the language. I do rely on Rob a lot when it comes to doing all the talking everywhere, but slowly I do know what to say when someone asks me: "what would you like to drink?" and when Rob isn't around- I get along fine. I know myself better than all these "smart" ppl that wish to preach me on the right ways to learn a language. Thanks for your interest ppl, but I've been though a thing or two in my short life, and the last thing I need right now is another person to tell me how to do things. I know it comes from a good place, these ppl just want to help, and they think that sharing these so called 'unknown' pieces of information helps me so much. Well ppl, it doesn't.

The Do's and Don'ts for a friend of a person learning a new language:
(written in male- but obviously refers to women too)

1. First and foremost ask your friend if he's even interested in your help.
2. Then you can ask in what way you can help. For example: you can speak the language to him more often, or just check his homework, you can help him write a diary in the new language, you can translate to him things ppl say around him- so he still hears the language but also is involved in the conversation.
3. After your friend told you the ways he would like you to help him, try to keep to these things, don't take more initiative- remember- each person has his own pace.
4. Be extremely patient! The last thing someone like your friend needs is someone sitting on his tail to make him learn faster or better.
5. Listen to him. Sense when he's getting lost in the language, and pay attention when he had enough and all he wants to do is express himself in his own language or just English.
6. Try to understand: for some ppl languages are hard to learn and for some it comes easily, but even those ppl are still human beings, and that means that in some level- they do not like feeling stupid. Interpret that anyway you like- just keep it in mind.
7. Let your friend know that he's more than welcomed to make mistakes. One thing I learned from teaching English as a second language was that it gives ppl a great sense of accomplishment if they can have a whole conversation in the language they're learning. Don't correct their mistakes while they speak!!! Try to remember what they said wrong and let then know about it later. To any mistake they make- let them know what was wrong- and what is right.
8. One of the things you can do is learn the grammar rules of your own language. At least enough to know how to answer your friends questions.
9. You are not a teacher- these tips are only for a friend - close friend who wants to help. Remember that yourself- you are not a teacher (But if you are a teacher - remember that this isn't a student of yours- it's a friend- big difference).
10. Appreciate the fact that this person in front of you is trying to learn your own language. I can speak only for myself- but I always feel honored when ppl want to learn Hebrew- my mother tongue, even though I didn't invent it or have no ownership on it- it makes me appreciate ppl who want to learn it - and that changes the way I feel about them.

* One more thing that I thought about tonight (just came home from a nice night out): most ppl learn best from just being exposed to the language - as long as you speak correctly next to them - they will learn a lot - even if you don't intend on "teaching" at the moment. And something about slang: it's always nice to know what words mean in slang- especially these words that mean something totally different in the "normal" language- so - don't be afraid to use slang and contemporary language.

** Adding this after a night out of speaking a lot of German:
A nice method to teach the right way of speaking in a certain language is to reflect what the other person said but without the mistakes. Meaning- don't stop the person in the middle of the sentence to correct his mistake, and you even don't have to tell him he made one- just say what he said, but this time correctly.
For example:
Learner: "I spoked to her last night......"
Teacher: "Yeah I know, and when I spoke to her she said....."