Facing the wall

In the last 4 days I've been a slave to the new apartment. We put all the lights up (Rob was the main driller, and I was the one who told him how straight things are), and I wanted to paint some walls too. As I told you guys before- Rob's mom gave me some colors and paint, and I was intending to use them- coz they seemed really nice colors. I wanted to paint one wall in the living room in something that looked like a shade of terracotta, so I started mixing the powder with the white paint. But oh my god- it turned out to be pink. At the end- the shade of pink wasn't too bad, and Rob himself said that it's actually nice. So we painted the wall in a shade of pink that we call "antique pink" in Hebrew. The day after that I took some leaves from outside - and made a pattern on the wall with them (Pictures soon), so it actually looks alright now. Needless to say that the moment I realized the wall was going to be pink- I panicked a bit- just like I can panic. The next day I painted the bedroom, only two stripes of two walls, parallel to each other. It looks cool. We went everywhere to look for a cheap but not ugly kitchen, and we found one place that offered what we want. We're still gonna try to get one for cheaper on ebay, and if we don't get it for the price we want- we'll buy the new one.

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Sometimes I feel a bit mute here. When I walk in the streets alone, I feel as if I can't say anything- coz I don't speak the language. You're probably wondering what's the big deal- coz I've lived in China for a year of my life, and I should have felt the same there, but it's not the case. In China it was obvious to the Chinese that I'm a foreigner. It made things so much easier. It sounds funny that being different on the outside makes things easier- but it's true. This way no one tried to approach me in Chinese, and the fact that I spoke Chinese to them at some point made them appreciate it coz it's so obvious I'm not from there. They would try harder to make me understand (most of the time, obviously there were the annoying ppl that didn't make any effort) from the first moment they saw me. Here it's different. I look like someone that can speak German, just like anyone else here. I've been approached twice already, in the first time I asked the person in German- if he speaks English, he said yes, and that was that, but in the second time, it was when Rob was just next to me, and a girl approached me to ask a question. I had a confused look on my face, and pointed at Rob coz he was just there next to me- luckily she was an intelligent girl and she turned to him and asked him the question, understanding that I don't understand... So this whole situation makes me feel mute. And if you know me just a bit you know that mute just ain't my thing. I depend on language, language is my thing, my strength, the thing that gives me confidence, makes me better than others sometimes. I'm a person of words, words are my best friends, comparing meanings in different languages is my small hobby- and being mute takes all this away. Without being able to express myself I'm not me, I'm not the same person anymore, I can't show ppl exactly who I am. And yes, it gives me motivation to learn the language, but it also makes me feel as if I'm facing a wall. From all sides- there's a wall- a transparent wall I need to break as soon as I can.


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Tomorrow we're going to Rob's parents' again, and on Monday we're renting a big car to take the rest of the big stuff back here. We're gonna pack it up in the evening and head back here on Tuesday morning. My back already really hurts, gone back to the terrible pain I had last time I came back from China, and this morning I started doing a little bit of Yoga again, and it helped a bit -so I guess I'll do that every morning from now on. In the bag I gave my dad was my Yoga book- and now I kinda wish it was here... But in 2 and a half weeks I'll be in Israel again and I'll try to get in shape again, at least for the sake of my back.
I miss Israel, I've said that here before, but now as time comes to leave here soon, I start understanding that I'll miss Rob very soon after I get there. Haven't decided when I'll come back here yet- but I'm definitely gonna check the flights as soon as I get there, if not coz I'm gonna miss him, then coz of the prices...

Hope to write here soon, peace to you all, and a late happy Independence day to Israel!