Flash Back

When I left my apartment in Haifa, I felt really sad that I had to do that. True, it was my decision to leave Israel all of a sudden and go to China, but it was still hard to move out of the warm and cozy place I set for Rob and me.
Today I was thinking about my little TV set I used to have in my bedroom, the one I almost never used, coz I had a normal one in the living room, and living alone- I didn't feel the need to get away and watch TV in my room. Suddenly it reminded me the last time I had used it- it was the last morning I woke up there- the first day they bombed Haifa. I woke up at 9:00am to the terrible sound of my favorite city being attacked. I was terrified and felt so alone. I called my mom immediately, and she told me she's at work in one of the clinics she supervises and that they saw, through the panoramic window, huge missiles falling down town close to them. She was scared too but tried to calm me down and tell me to pack some of my stuff and go to her place as soon as things calmed down a bit outside. I tried to think where is the safest place in my apartment, coz there was no shelter for these 50 year old houses. I decided the safest spot was between the bed and the closet which were both next to inside walls. The missiles kept falling and I was almost hysterical. I called my dad who was an hour away to the south - where things were going on as usual as if their own country isn't under attack (it was like that for the rest of the war). My dad tried to relax me and really sympathized with me. I cried and turned the little TV on, to watch the news and see what they have to say. Sadly, I heard the missiles before they even knew about the ones that landed before, so the "news" weren't so new to me... Nevertheless I kept on watching, between one siren to the other. These sirens took me back to the Gulf War, then I was not even 11 years old, and went through the ordeal with my family. This time, 16 years later, I was sitting alone in my apartment, on the floor, with the fear of actually getting hurt in my own house, not knowing where it's gonna come from next. Being alone like this, even though I was already an adult, was just as scary and unbearable as being a child with the warmth and love of the family around.