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I don't have a title for this post.

My grandpa past away this morning.

Just felt a real urge to post this.

Especially because I'm here and my whole family is there.

My dad and sister told me both that I really shouldn't come, or more accurate- there's no need for me to come to Israel now. As my dad said loving him from afar is the same as loving him from home. It still doesn't feel as if it's the right decision to make. But I guess that's the way it is. I'll have to deal with my sorrow here.

I can't tell you how sad I am. Losing such a grandpa is a real lost.

My grandpa.... Here I want to write "is". I guess I'll have to get used to saying "was".

A man who seemed to catch languages as if from the air. A man who accepted the people he loved with a big hug and no judgments. A man who believed that work is all we have and without work a man is not a man. A man who told me in our last conversation on the phone, that a husband is a present one should be thankful for... An old fashioned man, with a huge heart and a lot of life wisdom. A man who never stopped learning. A man who was never afraid of telling me that he loves me. A man who took care of his wife although it was already hard for him as well. A man who was modest and generous at the same time. A man who never got stuck in the past, and learned from his life experiences. A very beloved man and a very special grandpa to his 7 grandchildren and 1 great-granddaughter.

I will never forget the times we went to visit him as kids. Going to my grandpa always meant being treated like birthday girls, no matter the time of the year. He loved sweets, and always gave us birthday bags with sweets and candy in them as we left his apartment. His wife would cook the most delicious food for us. The kind of food one yearns for. Visiting my grandpa was always a celebration.

He used to always have Mentos candy in his car.

When we came to his shop he would urge us to take with us more and more clothes.

Every time I was there, in his shop, there would be somebody coming in, trying something on and saying later that they can't pay for it. My grandpa would write down in his little notebook the amount and name and let the person pay whenever they could.

He had a small bag of money in a drawer, with just a few coins in it. It was there to give to the beggars and religious guys coming to collect donations. He always gave a Shekel or two. He said the reason he has this little bag is that this way they can't see all the money he has in his cashier.

He would let women take mans pants with them home to let their sons and husbands try it for free at home and bring it back if the size was wrong.

He could always put himself in other peoples shoes.

I already miss him.

Praying for my grandpa....

I'm lying in bed, Rob is holding me tight, pressing my head to his chest, stroking my hair with his hand and letting me know that it's ok that I'm crying. The tears fall spontaneously down on my cheeks, and drop down slowly, one by one on the pillow.
It's late and I should already be sleeping but I can't. Every night the image of my grandpa lying in a hospital bed, connected to machines and being vulnerable and helpless, makes me sad really deep inside.
My grandpa is the most independent person I know. Just until about a month ago he still went to his clothing shop to work every day. He's 81 years old.
And then in bed, I close my eyes and imagine a long long ray of warm light coming out of my heart and beaming itself all the way to my grandpa in Israel. This ray of light, of energy that I send, is supposed to make him feel how much I love and appreciate him.
I tell him quietly: Be strong! we know you are strong. Show us all how strong you are! and I repeat these words till I fall asleep.

Birthday cake

Yesterday was my birthday!

So I baked myself a cake (filled with wild berries) and got up early to celebrate it with Rob before he went to work :-) I got all kinds of cool presents as well!

So, now I've officially started the 30th year of my life, or like Goni my friend told me on the phone yesterday: from now on you can start saying that your next birthday is your 30th.

scary!

I also spent the day shopping with a new cool friend that I met here lately- and we get along really well (always nice to meet ppl that understand what you want to say before you opened your mouth) and then went for Sushi after work. Was a really nice day!

So! till next time!