My window view

Remember this picture? from just a few weeks ago?

This is how it looks now:




I think we can start calling it winter.

A post from bed

First I want to start and say thank you to all the readers and friends that commented and e-mailed me on my last post... You guys don't know how much it helped when I read all these nice things!
I got sick on Friday, right after school (didn't feel great there already) I came home and all I wanted to do is go lay in bed. I didn't even have the wish to sleep- I just wanted to lie down... I had a fever and in general was sure that I was gonna die (a drama queen stays a drama queen even when she's sick, and especially when she's sick). Rob was, as usual, my personal nurse, called his mom for Homeopathic help, brought me loads of tea, made me drink it when I was too lazy, gave me medicine and kept me company. On Saturday morning I already felt much much better, and even tough I wasn't at my best yet we went to my class's evening out (felt bad missing it). It was nice, we stayed too long, and when I got home I crashed into bed- coz the next day in the morning I had my Hebrew class. The lessons went good, they're really happy with me there, and that's nice.
Note to self: Stop being a perfectionist - stop working on every lesson for 3 hours. I'm not getting payed so much for the preparation.
On Monday was still not feeling great, but had school and didn't wanna miss it, also I needed to bring some documents to the secretary there. In the end - stupid me I forgot a page - and had to take it back home and bring it again... This morning I really didn't feel great again, so decided that I'm staying home. Called the secretary and asked if I can bring the things tomorrow- she said yes and that's it- I'm missing a day of school! I can't remember a time when I felt so bad about not going to school. I used to skip school all the time. I was an expert in doing everything else but going to school. What happened to that? I don't wanna miss classes all of a sudden, being afraid I wont be able to catch up. It's totally dumb I know that, but can't stop feeling this way...

***

We have a really nice board game from the home of the National Geographic. In the game you're a photographer and you need to bring photos from around the world. You get an assignment list of things you're suppose to take their picture, and you have to guess where the photos on the cards were taken, if you guess right you get this card. There's a lot of photo cards there, all National Geographic photos- meaning beautiful pictures from around the globe, and it's fun playing. You can also answer a question about the continent your picture was from and win tokens. This game was brand new when we opened it- but it was bought years ago- rather in 1990, and it's amazing to see how much the world has changed since then- on the board there's still the Soviet Union, all the Balkan countries are not divided to independent ones (for example there's still Czechoslovakia) there is Western Germany and Eastern Germany, and also- Yemen is still divided to 2 countries! I started thinking about it- and in that year, 1990 I was already starting my teenage years, and since then not that much time has past- but the world has changed so much! The lives of billions of ppl has changed to the better and to the worse, wars started and ended, ppl moved from one country to another- escaping bad consequences of the changes around them. It's been only 17 years since then- but so much has happened.
I was thinking lately how our lives are relatively temporary compared with the age of this world. Nations rose and fell, cultures were successful and colorful and rich in mind and material, and they all disappeared. Nowadays, us here in the western world, see ourselves as the powerful group of ppl, the lucky ones, the ones with the options. Who knows if that is the way it's gonna be like in 20, 30, 40, 50 years from now? Things have changed before that in much less time. It's scary because I find it hard to imagine a better era for the 'western' world.

***

Will try to stop make you guys all depressed, and wish you a good day,
I hope I'll get to update more often,
Tschüss!

High maintenance

Thanks to Facebook, I got to be in touch again with ppl I haven't talked to in ages. Ages can be more than 10 years sometimes... In the last few weeks I've been telling at least 20 ppl from my past what's up with me nowadays. Some got the short version and some the longer one. Some asked more questions than others and some told me what they think about my life. They think that it's so exciting. It sounds so amazing and interesting and different. Even though there's so many Israelis that go abroad and live and learn and experience. On days like today I wonder if they're even close to the truth. I wonder how important these experiences are. I know it builds my personality, and learning languages and getting to know new cultures is something that I will thank in years from now. But on days like this one- I wonder what's the point in all that. Why today of all days? Well it's just another day I feel lost in the language. I feel that German is way too complicated to comprehend as an outsider. I feel there's no point sitting in class and learning the million grammar rules- if I don't feel that I can actually speak.
Having this kind of 'exciting' life needs very high maintenance: it starts with days you just wish you were in your homeland- coz of the weather, or the food, or the ppl, or the language, or how easy it is to do things - coz you really understand how to. It also brings you to a very lonely place sometimes, no matter how many ppl are around you, and even when the person that you love so much is just next to you. You are reminded on a daily basis that you are different. You are shown that if you just lay back, relax and basically do nothing- your feeling about the place will stay stuck where it is- coz you wont make any progress with the language, will not meet any new ppl to hang out with, and in the end- what's the point of being "somewhere else" if you don't get to taste everything that it brings with it? Changing your life and the place you live in so often, being a foreigner everywhere you go, speaking a language you don't really connect to, learning it without knowing exactly why, all these things really take a lot of my energy. I feel like I put myself on a very low flame, and there's hardly any energy coming through. The weather of course doesn't help. I don't hate it yet- it's cold but not too bad, but when you feel like there's no purpose to what you're doing, a sunny day can make you feel all better as if you were on Prozac...
German has such specific words. They have a different word for "rose by" and "rose to", they have a different word for "melts in your mouth" and just "melts". It feels so impossible to speak correctly- coz you know that you're probably using the wrong word. If there's too many options- you must choose the wrong one, no?
It feels that the ppl here are really like that sometimes. Everything is so precise- you have no gray zones to go to. No flexibility. none. The stereotypes are generally true. We call it being Jeke (pronounced: Yeke). Liking everything exact. Precise. Correct. Familiar. Not different. Just let me have my cup of coffee with exactly 138 grains of sugar in it, 2.67 ml of milk, and let it be a kind that I already know and like. It should be served to me at exactly 16:04. God forbid it's anything different. I will just die.
Of course I'm overreacting, but writing and overreacting goes together. I can't really explain to you these kind of things without exaggerating.
Going to make lunch. Hopefully will feel like writing more later. It helps. Me.

The meaning of: "The world is MY oyster"

I've noticed that a lot of ppl are looking for the meaning of this idiom and ending up here, so here it is:

Link 1. "If the world is your oyster, you have the ability and the freedom to do anything or go anywhere. You're young and healthy and you've got no commitments, so the world is your oyster."

Link 2. The world is one's oyster, Everything is going well, as in I was younger then, and the world was my oyster. In this term the oyster is something from which to extract great profit (a pearl). It was probably invented by Shakespeare in The Merry Wives of Windsor (2:2): "Why then, the world's mine oyster, which I with sword will open."

If you're asking yourself why have I posted this only now, after more than a year of writing this blog- it's coz I wanted to clear the sidebar from this info...

Trüber November

It means- gloomy November. It is gloomy. And dark. Sometimes, for a second, you get to see the little pieces of sky that are left up there... Most of the time you see white sky. Yes! it's white! not even gray- just one big foggy cloud. It rains most of the time, but we also had snow already on Saturday night. It melted after 2 hours, but since then precipitation was mainly rain mixed with hail mixed with snow that melted on the way down from the huge big cloud that we call "The sky".
That's it for the weather.
Now to more interesting things:
Yesterday I had my second Hebrew lesson- went really good. My boss (if I can call her that) said that I'm a real "Mashki'anit" which basically means in Hebrew- that I put a lot of effort into things. Well I just don't like to do half of a job. Or even 90% of a job. Especially when I'm the one standing in the spot light in the end- teaching the lesson- coz if I don't really invest in it before- I'm the one who's gonna be standing there and not knowing what to do.
While I was teaching the last group of the three, I noticed police cars outside, and noise. My boss opened the door and we saw a group of about 30 ppl, gathering in front of the place. Apparently
it was a group of German ppl who are Israel supporters and were there to mention the Kristallnacht. They played some Klezmer music, and had a small ceremony. They moved from one Jewish institute to another, the whole Sunday morning, even though it was close to freezing degrees outside and raining. They had speakers- and everyone around could hear them. It made me feel so good here. It was heart warming to see ppl in Dresden, the capital of Saxony, where the NPD (National Democratic Party in Germany, AKA the new Nazis) has most of their votes from, doing something like that.

And to a different subject: my mom and my sister booked a flight to come here!!! It's in ages from now (3 months) but I'm so excited!!! Yey!!! They're gonna be here for a whole week!

Other then that - my new class in German school is much better, my teachers are genuine and nice, and simply good teachers. Even though I must admit that there are times when I still feel like breaking something / someone just because I really have a hard time learning German... Especially when I have to write an essay. We're suppose to practice writing a short essay of about 120 words. Every teacher gives us a new topic every week- which means that we have to write 2 of them per week. Well... don't have to write- it's an option- but if we want to pass the final German exams- the ones that will determine if we get into uni in Germany- we should. Anyway, you're probably asking yourselves: what the hell is her problem? she's been writing and yapping here on this blog for so long now! what's her problem to write 120 words as an essay??? What's the problem you ask? The problem is that for a person like me, who most of the time has lots to say about just about almost anything, it's really hard to write when I don't have the vocabulary, or worse- the grammar to write in a foreign language. It feels like I have so much going on in my brain, and I always have so much to say about the topics they give us- but all these thoughts and ideas go through a very dense small holed net- and all my thoughts are being screened away. My head usually threatens to explode and at some point I bang on the desk, breathing in and out slowly to make the anger go away. I've been driving Rob crazy with questions like: "How do I say this?" or "What's better to say- this or that?" he can't do anything while I write my essays coz I totally suck him into my nutty little frustrated world.
*Sigh*
Hope it'll get better... At least I'm kinda enjoying my classes :-)

That's it for now, if I'll have anything to say- don't worry, you know me- I will!

Good (?) to be busy

Tired.
I am so tired.
So tired.
so.
Tired.
.
.
.

What an exhausting week and weekend.
Last week on Thursday I decided that that is that! not staying in that boring slow class anymore. Talked to the secretaries, and they told me that I can go try a different class the next day (Friday) and on Monday (2 different teachers in these 2 days so I better try them both). Went to the new class on Friday, and was SO pleased to see that they have an excellent teacher. The only thing is that they learn from a different book- so they learned so many things that I haven't and in such a faster pace than my old class... Was happy and frustrated at the same time. On Thursday I got a phone call from the Rabbi's wife, who interviewed me in August for a job and disappeared since then. She said she wants to start working and asked if I can meet her the same evening. So I went and met her, and she said that we're starting to work on Sunday (less than 3 days after!!!) and asked if I can arrange a Hebrew lesson for the 3 groups of kids. Of course I said yes, and so I found myself on Friday after that tiering day at school and even an hour at the gym, sitting next to my computer for about 3-4 hours, building a lesson for 3 different age groups- of kids I don't even know, and don't know what level of Hebrew they even have. In the end of course I made it, thank God that I use to build lessons in the Army and in 4 years worth of jobs. Saturday came, and I didn't get to study much, still had some stuff to do for the next day's lessons, and get some materials for it. I also still suffered from the same lack of motivation I'm experiencing lately. Can't find my wind and will to learn German lately. On Saturday night Rob and I wanted to go out a bit, clear our heads, so we "just" went to grab a few beers and a really nice Cafe. We left home a bit late, and in the Cafe a few German guys from the next table started talking to us- asking questions, hearing us speak English. They were nice so we found ourselves talking to them for almost an hour, and in the end got home really late. I didn't have much time to sleep - and on Sunday had to get up rather early to go to my first Hebrew lessons. Got there, it went great (what else? I worked hard on it!) after the Sunday school, there was a Brit (circumcision) for the baby of an Israeli woman and a German man. Must admit that I don't know why this couple decided to do that- but whatever. I live and let live. So I stayed for the event, met a few Israelis, in general it was nice, there was a big lunch for all, and got to talk with really nice ppl, just I was so tired after about 2 hours, I almost fell asleep on the table. Left there, and got home at 5ish, then took a really short nap, and Rob and I headed to some Israeli friends' house- whom I only met in the event that afternoon (but was in touch with before). We had a really nice time with them, was refreshing. Then go home, go to sleep, get up early and go to school... This morning it was so hard for me to wake up, not knowing even how's my teacher- and how the day will be, and mainly- I just wanted to sleep for another eternity. The teacher is nice, I'm pleased with the teachers I have now, just that again- in class coz I don't really understand everything they're doing- I sometimes feel lost, which doesn't help my general feeling about it. Still I think it was a good decision to change classes.

So as you can see, I obviously had no time to write here, and I'm so tired now- you can't even imagine how many times I type each word and erase - I just make so many typing mistakes...

Promise to keep writing,
haven't decided yet if being so busy is good for me -coz to tell the truth? I don't function very well with too much stress. I don't get motivation by knowing there's and exam waiting for me at the end of the road, and I just don't work well when I don't get enough sleep.