Yes, I love my baby. And yes, I loved him before he was ever born. In a way. But what isn't obvious is learning to love your new born and leaving space for the other loved ones in your life.
They say the first year of the first born, and actualy of every new baby in the family, is very hard on the parent. The many changes in life, the responsibility, the tiredness, the life changing decisios they need to make, the uneven number 3 that comes in the place of the perfectly ballanced number 2.
They are all right. It's not easy.
The key word is communication. But it's easier said than done. When you don't have much time with your partner alone, the last thing you want to do is talk about the problems and going through them. Sitting together on the couch, watching your favorite tv show is much nicer. But that doesn't help, when the next arguement comes along. Then you tell yourself: why did I not share my feelings last time we disagreed about it?
It takes time to learn the new game's rules. It's a new land for both parents, and they both need to find their way in it and draw their own map. Then they both have to not forget eachother in this map, and learn from eachothers drawings. And third they need to remember that this map is very likely to be changed every day, by the baby, the other parent and by life itself, which brings a new challange on a regular basis.
And what does all this have to do with the titel?
So you love your baby. That's great. And your love grows every day. Every time you look at him. That's super. But the real task is to let your heart grow, so that you can have the same amount of love for both your partner and your baby. And that is like growing another body part. Or just like making your heat bigger. That's what it feels like to me.
It's amazing that ppl can do that.
And yes, we can.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Saturday, November 05, 2011
What is work
It's been a year since I stopped working. In Germany you go on maternity leave 6 weeks before your due date. In the end I gave birth about a month after leaving work.
It is kind of amazing that still nowadays ppl ask me "so... What do you do all day?" and it's not only men who ask that. Some friends also asked me if I don't go crazy at home with my son for so long.
Well. What do ppl who work in an office do all day? Sit on their chairs and stare at the computer? Talk on the phone? How is that more productive or worth more than taking care of a child? Let me ask something else: why do we call it a job, when a person gets money for it (nanny, kindergarten teacher, care taker) but a person who stays home with their child "doesn't work"?
Those were my thoughts for the anniversary of my maternal leave.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Not ready to let go
I see now, that the last post I've published, was on February 23rd. Wow. That's a long long time ago. I'm really not ready to let go of this blog. Although I hardly write here.
So what's new?
My baby is growing and growing. He started crawling at 7 months. It was when we were in Israel for a few weeks. Since then he improved so much and is really quick.
We moved. To a new apartment, in the same area in Munich. This time there are no stairs to climb. It's on the ground floor.
Liya, my good friend, whom you might remember from my posts from Shanghai, also moved to Munich, and I really hope we'll see eachother often.
I'm writing this post from my ipod touch. Don't know if it's the 1st time I do this, but I hope I would use it more often for this purpose.
I'm now in Israel, came here for my friend's wedding. Going home tomorrow. We've been on the road a lot this summer, and with a baby it's not easy. Now all I have is the flight back home, and I'm hoping to not travel much in the next few months.
I got some really nice comments on the blog lately, and that gave me the push to write again. So thanks for that.
So what's new?
My baby is growing and growing. He started crawling at 7 months. It was when we were in Israel for a few weeks. Since then he improved so much and is really quick.
We moved. To a new apartment, in the same area in Munich. This time there are no stairs to climb. It's on the ground floor.
Liya, my good friend, whom you might remember from my posts from Shanghai, also moved to Munich, and I really hope we'll see eachother often.
I'm writing this post from my ipod touch. Don't know if it's the 1st time I do this, but I hope I would use it more often for this purpose.
I'm now in Israel, came here for my friend's wedding. Going home tomorrow. We've been on the road a lot this summer, and with a baby it's not easy. Now all I have is the flight back home, and I'm hoping to not travel much in the next few months.
I got some really nice comments on the blog lately, and that gave me the push to write again. So thanks for that.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
under the weahter
Although the sun is shining at the moment, the weather is not great. It's really cold outside, and it seems like winter has decided to come back big time after not really doing a good job in February.
Taking the baby out in this weather is not really nice, I don't like packing him with a million layers, because he absolutely hates it, and going in and out of stores for example is a nightmare, since the difference in temperatures is way too big.
This doesn't agree with my need to go out and breath some fresh air once a day, see the world and go out of my cocoon. People I urge you to give birth in spring or summer!
My mood is also a bit swingy at the moment. Sometimes I feel really good and then it takes only one word from someone and I feel crappy again.
But the baby is sweet. It's hard being with him alone the whole day, but he's so cute and nice that I feel blesses with that.
knock on wood X 3
Taking the baby out in this weather is not really nice, I don't like packing him with a million layers, because he absolutely hates it, and going in and out of stores for example is a nightmare, since the difference in temperatures is way too big.
This doesn't agree with my need to go out and breath some fresh air once a day, see the world and go out of my cocoon. People I urge you to give birth in spring or summer!
My mood is also a bit swingy at the moment. Sometimes I feel really good and then it takes only one word from someone and I feel crappy again.
But the baby is sweet. It's hard being with him alone the whole day, but he's so cute and nice that I feel blesses with that.
knock on wood X 3
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
One hand wizard
When you have a baby a lot of things in your life, things that were obvious, get a special meaning, and show you how easy you had it before.
The most known thing is your sleep: until you have to wake up 3-4 times a night (if you're lucky) you don't even think about how great it is to sleep for 6 hours straight. Hey, 6 hours were usually not enough! Now just give me 4 hours of sleep and I will be your biggest fan. Oh, and my baby is a really nice one, the kind that (usually, except for last night) falls asleep right away after eating.
Another thing that used to be obvious and taken for granted is having two hands to do all the things you do during the day. When your baby prefers being on you, and starts screaming when you leave him somewhere else, and putting the baby carrier on you is too much effort for the few things you want to do, that's how your life looks like.
Examples? Making breakfast with one hand. Imagine holding a baby (who's getting heavier by the day), and making porridge at the same time.
More examples? Doing and hanging the laundry, with only one hand. Folding it too.
Making tea.
Eating.
And hey, even writing this post!
So as you can understand, I've become a one hand wizard. Slowly but safely there will be nothing I can't do with only one hand!!! (and very little sleep).
The most known thing is your sleep: until you have to wake up 3-4 times a night (if you're lucky) you don't even think about how great it is to sleep for 6 hours straight. Hey, 6 hours were usually not enough! Now just give me 4 hours of sleep and I will be your biggest fan. Oh, and my baby is a really nice one, the kind that (usually, except for last night) falls asleep right away after eating.
Another thing that used to be obvious and taken for granted is having two hands to do all the things you do during the day. When your baby prefers being on you, and starts screaming when you leave him somewhere else, and putting the baby carrier on you is too much effort for the few things you want to do, that's how your life looks like.
Examples? Making breakfast with one hand. Imagine holding a baby (who's getting heavier by the day), and making porridge at the same time.
More examples? Doing and hanging the laundry, with only one hand. Folding it too.
Making tea.
Eating.
And hey, even writing this post!
So as you can understand, I've become a one hand wizard. Slowly but safely there will be nothing I can't do with only one hand!!! (and very little sleep).
Monday, January 31, 2011
Walking in the Air
Dancing with my baby in the apartment, just to entertain him and have some fun together, fills me with such happiness, it feels like walking in the air.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Love
People try to explaIn it, to research it, write books about it, poams, articles etc. But nothing can really make you understand what unconditional love is.
The kind you feel when your child is lying on your chest, sleeping and making little sweet sounds. The kind that makes you kiss him even when you're really tired, even when your body hurts from feeding him. The kind that makes you worried, every hour of the day, worried that he's doing well, breathing and feels good. The kind that makes you so unusually happy just looking into his big wide open curious eyes.
People say that kids are happiness (in Hebrew at least). At this point I do see what they mean.
The kind you feel when your child is lying on your chest, sleeping and making little sweet sounds. The kind that makes you kiss him even when you're really tired, even when your body hurts from feeding him. The kind that makes you worried, every hour of the day, worried that he's doing well, breathing and feels good. The kind that makes you so unusually happy just looking into his big wide open curious eyes.
People say that kids are happiness (in Hebrew at least). At this point I do see what they mean.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Mother
I am.
For the past 10 days I am a mother.
My son came to the world 10 days earlier than the estimated date. It was a quick birth, but was a surprising one, coz it was only in the last minute that the midwives realized that the baby is not coming to this world with his head first.... We had a lot of luck, and it all went well, and we both were fine and went home 4 hours after he was born. Going home right after it was amazing. There's nothing better than relaxing in your own bed, learning every detail of your new baby's features.
It's an amazing feeling to see this little man growing every day, just little by little. Looking into his eyes, and catching his glimpse, realizing that every day he looks with a bit more focus, and a bit more interest. Realizing that he can already recognize my voice, and his fathers, and that he relaxes just to the sound of it. Realizing that he's totally dependent on us, and almost totally dependent on me- for food. Realizing that he might sleep well in his bed next to us, but when he wakes up- there's nothing more comforting for him than to sleep right next to us on our bed.
I will probably write* more about this interesting experience of becoming a parent,
for now that's it
just wanted to update.
*thanks L for pointing that out! LOL
For the past 10 days I am a mother.
My son came to the world 10 days earlier than the estimated date. It was a quick birth, but was a surprising one, coz it was only in the last minute that the midwives realized that the baby is not coming to this world with his head first.... We had a lot of luck, and it all went well, and we both were fine and went home 4 hours after he was born. Going home right after it was amazing. There's nothing better than relaxing in your own bed, learning every detail of your new baby's features.
It's an amazing feeling to see this little man growing every day, just little by little. Looking into his eyes, and catching his glimpse, realizing that every day he looks with a bit more focus, and a bit more interest. Realizing that he can already recognize my voice, and his fathers, and that he relaxes just to the sound of it. Realizing that he's totally dependent on us, and almost totally dependent on me- for food. Realizing that he might sleep well in his bed next to us, but when he wakes up- there's nothing more comforting for him than to sleep right next to us on our bed.
I will probably write* more about this interesting experience of becoming a parent,
for now that's it
just wanted to update.
*thanks L for pointing that out! LOL
Monday, November 15, 2010
Pregnant thoughts
1. Women will tell you that it looks like you've swallowed a watermelon. Men would say it looks like you have a basketball in your belly.
2. Things that fall on the floor were dropped there by the devil himself. Bending over when you have a watermelon (or basketball) in your belly is hell.
3. Watching the baby's kicks from the outside is even funnier and more exciting than feeling it from the inside. Imagine your belly moving in waves with sudden changes in it's size in certain places.
4. Being pregnant is a preparation for being a parent: you're tired ALL the time, you can't eat much (the space time continuum: now there's no space, when you're a parent- there's no time), you have a responsibility on the child's health, it prevents you from doing things you were used to (doing sports, going out late etc.).
5. 9 full months feels like FOREVER. At some point you forget the times you weren't pregnant.
6. Pregnancy stupidity can be funny at times, and can be embarrassing at others. Funny- when you realize that you've spent an hour looking online for the same wool you got for the the baby's blanket you're knitting, coz you think you don't have enough of it. Then you realize you have double the amount you thought (who would have thought to just count the rolls of wool that are lying right next to you in a plastic bag?!). Embarrassing - when you use the wrong terms in German, making the meaning of a sentence totally change, when chatting on Skype to fellow students, who don't even know you're pregnant.
7. The younger the baby in a stroller is- the nicer his or her mother would smile at you when seeing your big pregnant belly.
8. The bigger your belly is, the sadder the seller at a furniture store will look at you, when you ask "how long will it take to deliver?"
9. There are more baby stores online in Germany than online supermarkets that deliver. Although Germany definitely doesn't have a high birth rate.
10. You can guess in what part of town you are, according to the amount of fancy strollers you see in the streets.
2. Things that fall on the floor were dropped there by the devil himself. Bending over when you have a watermelon (or basketball) in your belly is hell.
3. Watching the baby's kicks from the outside is even funnier and more exciting than feeling it from the inside. Imagine your belly moving in waves with sudden changes in it's size in certain places.
4. Being pregnant is a preparation for being a parent: you're tired ALL the time, you can't eat much (the space time continuum: now there's no space, when you're a parent- there's no time), you have a responsibility on the child's health, it prevents you from doing things you were used to (doing sports, going out late etc.).
5. 9 full months feels like FOREVER. At some point you forget the times you weren't pregnant.
6. Pregnancy stupidity can be funny at times, and can be embarrassing at others. Funny- when you realize that you've spent an hour looking online for the same wool you got for the the baby's blanket you're knitting, coz you think you don't have enough of it. Then you realize you have double the amount you thought (who would have thought to just count the rolls of wool that are lying right next to you in a plastic bag?!). Embarrassing - when you use the wrong terms in German, making the meaning of a sentence totally change, when chatting on Skype to fellow students, who don't even know you're pregnant.
7. The younger the baby in a stroller is- the nicer his or her mother would smile at you when seeing your big pregnant belly.
8. The bigger your belly is, the sadder the seller at a furniture store will look at you, when you ask "how long will it take to deliver?"
9. There are more baby stores online in Germany than online supermarkets that deliver. Although Germany definitely doesn't have a high birth rate.
10. You can guess in what part of town you are, according to the amount of fancy strollers you see in the streets.
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Changes
I hope that this post will be one out of many posts I write in the near future. Now, I have some more time.
Yesterday was my last day at work. Why? Because in Germany mothers have the luxury of staying at home starting from 6 weeks before the due date. This is a real blessing, since I am still studying at the open university (I think I forgot to mention here that I got a very good grade on my essay last semester :-)), and since with every day of pregnancy it gets harder and harder to rush to work and stay efficient there...
I must say, I have no clue how women in Israel work till the last day before they give birth. I'm only in the middle of the eighth month, and already feel how heavy it is and how complicated it is to move from one place to another. So as it sounds- I'm glad to have this chance to stay home now, focus on my studies and above all- focus on what's good for my body and for the baby. I guess it won't take long before I start nesting and taking care of everything for the little baby we're expecting. It's really exciting.
I have tons of little tasks I want to take care of, knowing that later I won't have time for. Like arranging the photo album from Argentina, finishing to knit my scarf, and starting to knit a nice blanket for the baby. I want to go over my closet and throw everything I haven't used in the last year or two, and I want to start reading more about the birth, although we just finished a preparation course for couples at the birth center I want to give birth in.
My mom is coming to be here for a month - she scheduled her flight for a week before the due date. In the beginning I thought it might be a long time- but with time and after a few talks with her, trying to be as open and honest as I can- I realized that she's really only coming to help us. We will just have to continue being honest with each other, telling one another exactly what we expect.
I'm quite excited about these first few weeks that we'll become a family, and I want it to stay our experience as a couple plus one as much as possible. I think it's important for the future.
So, hoping this is not the last post in a while,
have a good weekend everyone!
Yesterday was my last day at work. Why? Because in Germany mothers have the luxury of staying at home starting from 6 weeks before the due date. This is a real blessing, since I am still studying at the open university (I think I forgot to mention here that I got a very good grade on my essay last semester :-)), and since with every day of pregnancy it gets harder and harder to rush to work and stay efficient there...
I must say, I have no clue how women in Israel work till the last day before they give birth. I'm only in the middle of the eighth month, and already feel how heavy it is and how complicated it is to move from one place to another. So as it sounds- I'm glad to have this chance to stay home now, focus on my studies and above all- focus on what's good for my body and for the baby. I guess it won't take long before I start nesting and taking care of everything for the little baby we're expecting. It's really exciting.
I have tons of little tasks I want to take care of, knowing that later I won't have time for. Like arranging the photo album from Argentina, finishing to knit my scarf, and starting to knit a nice blanket for the baby. I want to go over my closet and throw everything I haven't used in the last year or two, and I want to start reading more about the birth, although we just finished a preparation course for couples at the birth center I want to give birth in.
My mom is coming to be here for a month - she scheduled her flight for a week before the due date. In the beginning I thought it might be a long time- but with time and after a few talks with her, trying to be as open and honest as I can- I realized that she's really only coming to help us. We will just have to continue being honest with each other, telling one another exactly what we expect.
I'm quite excited about these first few weeks that we'll become a family, and I want it to stay our experience as a couple plus one as much as possible. I think it's important for the future.
So, hoping this is not the last post in a while,
have a good weekend everyone!
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