looking for some inspiration

I've had this dilemma for a while now. actually, almost since I've opened this blog.
Should I continue writing it in English? Or should I change to Hebrew?

Obviously I'm much sharper in Hebrew. I write much nicer, faster, more inspired. It's my mother language. I hardly make spelling mistakes. Don't need the spelling check... My Hebrew is so much richer than my English, although my English is not very poor.
I've started writing this blog in English, thinking that this way all my friends and family could read it, including the ones that are not from Israel. I thought it would give me a bigger exposure.
But I think I was wrong.
Most of my friends don't read this blog. If they do, I don't know about it. I think that my Israeli friends prefer reading in Hebrew, if they read blogs at all.
Also my English speaking friends don't really read here, I think. Maybe a few.
So the idea of more exposure to the people I know, didn't prove itself.

New readers I get once in a while I guess, but the fact that I hardly write lately doesn't help. It's difficult to maintain a blog, and an interesting one, with two kids at home.

So I think to myself sometimes, I should write this in Hebrew. I might write more often if it were in Hebrew. It's easier.
But then I feel how awkward it would be to suddenly change the language of the blog.

Anyway, I thought I should share this. Something like thinking out loud.

Happy birthday Blog!!!

I'm such a bad blogger, I didn't even realize that on September 2nd was the anniversary of my blog. It's been a year that I've been writing it. Sometimes I feel inspired and I write things that later I like reading again. Sometimes I feel like I'm writing just to write. Sometimes I write just to update you guys on my life, which sometimes comes out nice and sometimes I feel like words are better left unsaid. Anyway just wanted to mention this day (even though I'm late by almost a month). I wish for my blog to be more interesting, and exciting, more deep and insightful, funnier and more sensitive. May I always have the muse to write in you - my blog.

Exposed

Lots of things on my mind. I've been "writing" this post in my head so many times in the last few days. Before I fell asleep, in the car, while having my walk on the beach (have been walking on the beach for 40 minutes each, 3 times a week lately- sweat is a good thing sometimes- makes you feel cleaner afterwards). It always had this title. Exposed. Because I feel this way. Exposed. Some things happened this week that I must admit I don't feel like talking about them, but I just wanted to share the way I feel. Exposed. It kinda feels like there's a battle between my head and my heart. My heart wants to say it all. Expose. My head, well that's a different story. My head knows that Internet can be really great sometimes- but also really bad. Or rather ppl can make bad use of it. And my head reminds me that my life is made of little pieces that include other ppl's stories. My head tell me that without these ppl- my story would definitely not be the same. A lot less interesting to be exact. My head tells me to consider these ppl when writing something everybody is invited to read. And in this case- my heart actually signed the peace offer and said: I agree. My heart and my head agree that ppl should not be offended by what's written here, and that ppl who are important to me should be able to veto having them mentioned here. So I'm asking you guys to let me know how you feel about me writing about you here.
I decided to open this blog for my friends. So they know what's going on with me when I'm not around. After a while I told my parents that I'm writing a blog, coz I felt that it's the right thing to do. I still feel it's right. I've seen ppl entering my blog from all kinds of places. Who knows who really reads it though, but I'll say it one more time (I'm pretty sure I've said before): the reason I keep writing this blog is not the reason I opened it for mainly. I write it to let it all out. I write coz I like writing. No. I love writing. I've been writing since I learned how to connect letters into words. I was one of the favorite pupils in our "creative writing" class in school, in the 5th grade. The teacher, who is a writer, chose me and a few others from the school to invite us into her home and teach us a class in the afternoons with the same name. It was my favorite class in the whole wide world. I've attended a million classes and activities in my life. Ballet. Ceramics. Tennis. Swimming. Tap dancing. Scouts. Piano lessons. But the creative writing was my absolute favorite. When I was in the 7th grade, after a year and a half of creative writing the class stopped. The teacher's son, who was in the army at the time, got crushed by a truck in the worst accident that ever happened at the corner of my street. She couldn't give the classes anymore. She was so sad. We were so sad for her. She was, and still is a great person. I met her a few more times in life, in all of these times it was a coincidence, and we both were very happy to see each other. I was shocked she recognized me the first time it happened.
So why am I sharing this? Coz I wanted you guys to know that writing is not something I do only for you. Or just to be able to share a story. I do it- coz after I write I feel so much better. I feel lighter. I feel like a huge bag of stones is off of me. Sometimes my writing is more like a story, telling you whats new- and I believe that telling my story is a bit like therapy. and sometimes it's just my thoughts and feelings. Which obviously is like therapy. Some ppl do sports obsessively, some ppl read the newspaper and listen to the news all day, some ppl watch TV shows for hours, some ppl read books (well so do I) etc. I write.
I do hope that ppl reading my blog read it coz they enjoy it.
Or at least coz it's interesting for them in some level.
I'm writing this blog- for me.